The big news! We're not there! For the first time in about 14 years, we won't be at the SDCC. Don't worry, it's not the end of the world. You can probably still get Elvis Stormtrooper's signature.

Wow, something to report! Our film Monday Night Gig will be playing at the Mid Valley Film Fest in two weeks! That's in Salem, Oregon. So all you peeps in the Mid to Upper to Lower Willamette valley, come on out!

We'll be at the Northern Lights Theater Pub (BEER!!) at 8pm on Feb 23rd.

The Mid Valley folks are nice and are throwing a real grass roots festival, so get on out and watch a film. Ty and I will be in attendance.

I just scored 2nd place in Eli and Alyson's 1st Annual Chili Cook Off. Mike says it makes me king of the losers... of course I was able to wake up and actually submit chili, as opposed to Mike who just didn't get up that day.

And what's up with all the ants in my bathroom? Of all the places that might have tasty treats in my house, I'd think the terlit would be the last on the list. Are they Poop Ants?

Here's a recipe that I just came up with last night. Enjoy!

Recipe: Pan Fried Halibut Mush

1 pak frozen Halibut fillets from Trader Joes
1 tablespoon corn meal
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon paprika
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 slices bread
Peanut Butter
Rasberry Jam
Beer

Procedure:

1. Defrost halibut by nuking briefly and then running under cold water.
2. Mix all powdered ingredients on a plate.
3. Dredge fillets in flavored corn meal and wait for pan to heat up.
4. Sear both sides until golden brown.
5. Remove fish and let sit on plate lined with paper towels.
6. Use knife to cut into fillet to find that the center is still frozen solid.
7. Plug in a George Forman grill to complete the cooking process. Place one fillet on George Foreman after it’s risen to heat.
8. After 5 minutes, open the Foreman to flip the fillet. You’ll know it’s ready by the way that it completely sticks to the top and bottom ‘nonstick’ surface. Flipping is pretty much impossible, so take a fork and mush around the fish on the bottom, ‘turning’ it, if you will. After all, it all looks the same in the stomach.
   

Please, please, please stop using that creepy image of that poisoned Russian spy in a hospital bed. It's gross. I don't like it. And it's friggin' everywhere! I just want to read the news... I don't want some dead creepy Russian guy staring at me while I do it. Day after friggin' day.

I actually have a post about something related to the collective Smith Bros creative outlet! Ty and I will be appearing at the Stumptown Comic Con this Friday and Saturday. That’s October 27-28.

We’ll have all of our comic output, The Sexy Chef DVDs, and even a special new Oddjob limited edition mini-comic that reprints a casefile that was never printed in the U.S.! Very rare. Probably worth a fortune on eBay. We’re selling it for $1. If you haggle, we’ll probably give it away. But it's got to be good... Ty's a shrewd negotiator.

Okay, so which backstory do you buy for this?

The Official Story: Man is hard at work, and just ‘happens’ to fall, face first, into open water meter hole, wedging himself in good.

Or

My Hypothesis: Lookin’ for leprechauns!

Recently I purchased a “Mexican” beef burrito at one of your many fine locations in the Portland Area. Festive colors and the promise of Beef paired with Vegetables sounded like a perfect treat for me to nuke in the company commissary.

First bite and first impressions: hmmm... ground beef. I was expecting carne asada but whatever. And what’s this? Peas? And potatoes?

Further exploration of said lunch item revealed almost no spices at all. In fact, I have a hard time swallowing (heh heh) the “Mexican” description. When I think Mexican vegetables, I think salsa: tomato, cilantro, lime, onions, peppers and the like. I do realize that the potato is a new world discovery, but come on! This filling has much more in common with cheap beef stew. In a tortilla. Which is to say, really, really gross.

In the future, please change the name of this item from “Picadillo Beef Burrito” to “Ground Beef Stew Burrito” to avoid consumer confusion. Thank you.

You ever have one of those weeks where you manage to offend the world without lifting a finger? I have! Here are 3 exhibits, and a long post. Whadda you got?

Exhibit #A: Don’t know if any of you out in the blog-o-sphere are home-brewers, but tastybrew.com is a great resource forum. That is, unless you DARE disparage the crack videography of the public access crowd… http://www.tastybrew.com/forum/thread/57888

To sum up for folks who don’t want to read this guys long rants:

My points –

• His show Drinking with Daren (which features Daren getting drunk at many brewery tours) has some rough film-making
• Digital tech lets more hacks make films.

His points –

• I am the enemy of all digital cinema
• I have no idea what I’m talking about, because, well, check out how many names I can drop
• Wants me to call a ‘film’ a ‘digital’
• Continues on to project all of his pompous insecurities onto one big Ian strawman. You can totally go Psyche 101 on his posts. It’s fun!

Mr. Merz has no idea that I’ve made 2 films, worked as a professional film critic for the Willy Week for a year, and attended many festivals. I’ve seen crap film-making. I’d dare to say that I’m somewhat of an expert on crap. Me saying that his public access extravaganza Drinking with Daren has ‘rough film-making’… well, that was me being kind on a public forum. Just goes to show… no good deed goes unpunished, especially on the innerweb!

I so hope this guy sends me his reel the next time we have a casting call.

Click Read More to, well, Read More!

Today, whilst buying a giant-sized bottled Starbucks Frappacino at the local convenience mart, the teller was blasting ‘Angel of Death’ at Slayer Volume(tm). The middle aged office lady in front of me was aghast. I told the guy that he was giving me hardcore high school flashbacks.

There’s something comforting in the fact that no matter how old you get, it’s always High School at some Plaid Pantry around town.